Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
