hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
