yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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