soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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