he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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