low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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