dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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