How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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