Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
