just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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