this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
