She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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