You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
