Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
