Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
