I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize