Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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