this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
