I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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