I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
