First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
me + whiskey = a bad person
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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