Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
