I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
