I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
