Your tits are I can't wait for
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
