I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
