wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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