I should be sponsored by Trojan
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
