So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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