I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
two words...techno handjob
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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