Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize