Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
