I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
