My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
