Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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