if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
