I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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