I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
