i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize