My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
