it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
