I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
