dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my shit smells like andre
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
