Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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