I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
