You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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