Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
