You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
