I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
