I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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