i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
