I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
