we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She's the barista slut.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
