Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
