I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
