He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
