Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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