Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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