I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
barbara walters just said penis...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
