ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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