Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You are a booty call, not a friend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
