i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
