you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
