No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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