I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
