Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize