she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
