I wish you could order shots online.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
