atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Welp...herpes.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
