he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
