They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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