Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
COCAINE IS GR8
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize