Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
