i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
