So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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