she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
