i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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