How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
