The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
