good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
