you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
