And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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