i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
