he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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