I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
