Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
