ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
