I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
