dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This house was built for laser tag.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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