in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
