i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
