Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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