Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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