I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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