We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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