Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
