I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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