took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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