i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
