Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
