PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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